. . . it is almost impossible that I should be here.

"It is almost impossible that I should be here..."

Things I Say to My Cat Several Times Every Day

  1. Did you poop in there?

  2. Are you a “Mister Man”?

  3. Speaking as Cat: I need two hue-mons.

  4. I’m not going in the basement.

  5. Come cuddle with me.

  6. Stop yelling at me.

  7. Speaking as Cat: Hue-mon, I need that fish.

  8. Speaking as Cat: Hue-mons don’t do the things.

  9. Speaking as Cat: I could murder you a little bit.

  10. Singing to the Cat: You are fierce. / You are tough. / Doing things. / Killing stuff.

  11. As Cat Bites and Gnaws My Arm: I thought we were friends!

  12. Are you a “Buster Brown”? [My cat is white.]

  13. Do you want to go in the sump pump?

  14. Do you want to drink that squirrel?

  15. Speaking as Cat: I’m gonna lick that spinach.

  16. Speaking as Cat: I’m gonna get this water a little bit.

  17. I’m not going to turn the TV on! [Translation: I will not open the front door.]

  18. Such a buddy. Was that good dinner?

  19. Such a friend.

  20. Speaking as Cat: I need to put this hue-mon to bed.

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Benjamin Hagen